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| BADDIEL AND SKINNER UNPLANNED: WEEK TWO by Graham Kibble-White, Jack Kibble-White and Jane Redfern |
September 2000
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by Graham Kibble-White |
SHOW 5: SUNDAY 04/06/00 IT'LL NEVER WORK: Dave: "Are bits of the Rainforest Café gradually diminishing?" The Rainforest riff is something they return to throughout the programme - with diminishing returns. An audience member thinks it's funny to reveal the end of The Sixth Sense as a preamble to his question. SECRETARY: Shelley works in a deli. And that's it. THAT'S YOU THAT IS: Frank looks like "that bloke in the Rainforest with the big bottom lip". UP YER SEPTUM: Dave finds the middle bit of Daniella Westbrook's nose down the sofa. It's called a septum. She'll never be able to wear one of those fake clip-on moustaches again. I AM FRANK SKINNER: Frank's been to the Rainforest Café. There's animatronic gorillas in there. He has to check his bum every night before he goes on stage to make sure it's not "slightly matted". "I go through it with a fine tooth comb". I AM DAVID BADDIEL: Dave saw the play The Graduate (cf. Ms OGYNY) HOMOCURIOUS: The "Choco Rainforest corridor" sounds - to Dave - like a "homosexual innuendo". Rob Newman is Dave's previous lover. Frank's better, a self-proclaimed "wily old goat". Ms OGYNY: "If a woman says she doesn't have sex until the second or third date, I just phone 'em a couple of times and then turn up and shag 'em." Kathleen Turner, appearing naked in The Graduate, is (according to Dave) a "bit of a fat bird with small tits". Frank thinks she had "no right to let you down on that one". Frank "would" with Camilla Parker-Bowles. BEST QUESTION: "Dave, what happened to Newman?" Unfortunately it only elicits the verbal equivalent of shuffling feet. ACE IN THE CROWD: Skinhead David has little to say. He's just got together with his girlfriend, but not officially. They still haven't had sex. SONG: No. 25 - At The Hop: "Who wrote that? Paul McCartney?" wonders Frank. IN CONCLUSION: Even less focus than usual ensures that subjects as diverse as septums and "goat bothering" are covered in the space of a 25 minute episode. We learn some more of the duo's endearing traits: Frank's eyebrows start flickering when he gets excited, and Dave's toes curl when he reaches orgasm. The format now seems to consist mainly of agreeable pub chat. Not the best episode in the series, but enjoyable nevertheless. SHOW 6 - MONDAY 05/06/00 IT'LL NEVER WORK: Dave's comparison of Ronan Keating with Alan Shearer. SECRETARY: Aaron Shakespeare. He's had a bottle of Coke today, and has come to the programme with his friend Alan (cf. Homocurious). Aaron is a librarian "Red Adair". THAT'S YOU THAT IS: An audience member looks like Dave when he was 15. Another member is posited as looking like Frank - "He looks like Jasper Carrott with a bit of 'flu" says Frank. A Morecambe and Wise fan looks like Tin Tin. A black Rastafarian woman is described as looking like Max Wall. UP YER SEPTUM: Franks asks a hard-drinking "goer" in the audience "How's yer septum?" Shortly afterwards, Frank ponders on having sex with Danniella Westbrook's nose and whether she can do that footballer thing of covering one nostril and emptying the other. Mentions of Ronan Keating prompt Frank to ask whether he had a septum. "You know he's going to have a septum and Britney's going to have a hymen." I AM FRANK SKINNER: Two people have asked Frank how it was known the university's goat, as mentioned on the previous day's programme, had had sexual relations with a student (Frank: "She stopped returning the phone calls.") Frank's been down to the Tower of London where he encountered a nasty Beefeater - more of a Bernie Inn. I AM DAVID BADDIEL: Because they're based in the London Studios, Dave ran into Ronan Keating who was there to do an interview with Jo Whiley. Ronan had once complimented David on writing Blackadder. SEMITE SAY: Audience member Alan makes a comment that his parents aren't Jewish. Unlike Dave's. HOMOCURIOUS: Bouffant Alan provokes the comment "Now you are gay, aren't you?" from Dave. Alan's not worried that his parents might discover his gay - "They're probably not in the country" he says. "Not now" replies Frank. David goes onto ask Alan how he learnt his gay mannerisms; cue quips about going to a school to learn how to mince. Frank queries whether Graham Norton set up a summer camp. Ms OGYNY: There is some discussion on Britney Spear's losing her virginity and arranged marriages. DAVE'S MUM AND DAD: Alan (see above) says the f-word. "It's like having your dad on again" says Frank to Dave. BEST QUESTION: "Frank, why do you do that [mimes twisting a ring around his finger]?" SONG: No. 7 - Prince Charming. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of. IN CONCLUSION: Again utilizing the format to their best advantage, this episode sees David and Frank leaning heavily on the audience for comedic material - and it works. In the same vein, Frank's comments about Coronation Street, and the duo's speculation about Aaron and Alan's relationship ("Do you ever think you'd like to get into Coronation Street?" Frank asks Aaron, "I bet he thinks he'd like to get into Alan" quips David) give the whole thing the feel less of watching a show, and more of sitting in with your funniest mates. SHOW 7 - TUESDAY 06/06/00 IT'LL NEVER WORK: Frank quips that Laurie's name is very "articulated". Adopting books proves to be a comedy cul-de-sac: "I want to be there for it's first ... turning of the page(?)" Frank's story about wetting himself seems to repulse the audience, but it is very funny. SECRETARY: Frank points out a young boy in the audience and asks if he's writing notes. "I do have breasts and I am a girl" comes the response. We can see written in a fob-naïve style "They didn't want us coming in drunk, but feed us alcohol inside" in her notebook. Later on in the programme, she is invited up to become the secretary by David, although Frank's not that keen. Laurie is, unsurprisingly, an art student and covers the board with more "naïve" nonsense. THAT'S YOU THAT IS: Frank asks a woman in the front row - "don't you work in a launderette ... in Albert Square?" (cf. Disgrace In The Crowd) UP YER SEPTUM: "You're not Daniella Westbrook are you?" asks Dave when Laurie displays her nose bleed stain in her sketchbook. Is the central part of the British Library called the septum? Frank sports an "Up Yer Septum" T-shirt. Later on a woman with multiple face-piercings is likened to Westbrook. I AM FRANK SKINNER: Dave threw Frank out of the flat to move his girlfriend in. They lasted three months. I AM DAVID BADDIEL: David's tired due to his insomnia. Today he's been to a dry floatation tank. "If I'm going to be in a private enclosed space for an hour - I'm going to have a wank, basically." SEMITE SAY: Frank sums up David in three words as "Jewish, fat-throated ... and there's that thing about you having to hold your balls during sex." Ms OGYNY: Frank cajoles Laurie "Get some make up on!" and "This is Baddiel and Skinner - not Greenham Common!" Frank: "People think I'm all anal-sex and football." Frank's a "Shaven Ravers" person who has tried to acquire laminated copies of Razzle in the British Library. Frank used to fancy Zola Budd, while David likes Cameron Diaz. DISGRACE IN THE CROWD: A vague-Baddiel look-alike asks "Mr Baddiel, are you to Mr Skinner as Andrew Ridgeley was to George Michael?" Frank rightly describes the question as "tossy" and gives the bloke the V-sign. SONG: No. 2 - Daydream Believer IN CONCLUSION: This isn't the best episode by any means, but the mistake made over Laurie's gender at the start of the episode pays dividends throughout the rest of the programme. The question that equates David to Andrew Ridgeley is a genuinely nasty moment, with Dave having to concede the point slightly, and soils the party atmosphere. It's evident, however, that along with Baddiel and Skinner the audience has grown in confidence, with one questioner adding the rider "It's my 30th birthday today" provoking and amusing "So what?" reaction. SHOW 8 - WEDNESDAY 07/06/00 IT'LL NEVER WORK: David thinks the Millennium Dome looks like a "very bad hair transplant". SECRETARY: Will arrives with a pair of rubber gloves. Why? He is a secretary for a student website. Frank: "It's one nutter after another". THAT'S YOU THAT IS: Is Frank Skinner bird impressionist ("Not like Lily Savage") Percy Edwards? An audience member attempts to be funny, but is as successful as his look-alike: Les Dennis. UP YER SEPTUM: Danniella Westbrook can't do bilateral breathing (cf. I Am Frank Skinner). I AM FRANK SKINNER: Frank's learning to swim. Today he did bilateral breathing with his front crawl. I AM DAVID BADDIEL: Went to the Millennium Dome. "It was bollocks". He met Vanessa Feltz the previous day at the Orange Prize talking about her bits. Dave got his auras done after yesterday's show. SEMITE SAY: Dave reminds us he has no foreskin. HOMOCURIOUS: Colin (cf. Dave's Mum And Dad) warns against the lads restarting their "Are they gay?" debate in which Frank and Dave try and spot as many gay people as possible on TV. Ms OGYNY: Frank reckons that the internet is "for pornography and that's it". Frank compares Vanessa's "bits" to a "butcher's dustbin". DAVE'S MUM AND DAD: They are in the audience tonight. Dave draws attention to his dad's baldness. Dave's dad (Colin) is an ex-chemist (he cites a difference in management style.) Frank: "I think of you as the in-laws." Colin's dad had an outside toilet. Some reminiscence follows. WORST QUESTION: "Apparently Vanessa Feltz was caught with four pounds of crack" posits our Les Dennis look-alike."It's not a comedy workshop" warns Dave. SONG: No. 14 - Kung Fu Fighting IN CONCLUSION: "Fred West is kind of cuddly" Dave postulates. A slightly scrabbled offering from the boys stretches Dave's excursion to the Millennium Dome across the first 15 minutes without bearing any real fruit. The better episodes build as they progress, tonight's is too scatter-gun as they find themselves in something of a fallow form. The rapport with the audience is also lacking tonight as we are stuck with a crowd who appear determined to express their own comedic worth rather then providing fuel for the duo's humorous observations. |
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